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Anger! Anger! Go Away!

Anger, referred as a negative emotion, the more we try to resist, the more strength it gains. The strength of anger is often so strong that it controls us during a heat of the moment.

I tried fighting my anger again and again. The more I tried to fight it, the more intense it became. With each passing day, this fight to win over anger became difficult for me.

I was always told that anger is very bad, we should not get angry. Those who get angry are not good. So, whenever it knocked in the door of my mind, I shut the door more tightly. I started suppressing it, assuming that it will go away eventually. But it didn’t happen. I kept the anger bottled up inside me, consuming me from inside and out. Slowly, I felt like trapped in a spider’s web, unable to escape.

One fine day I realized, do I really need to suppress my anger? I have already tried that for years, but it didn’t help. So, one day when anger knocked on my mind’s door again, I opened the door. But this time I was loving and kind towards it and hence we connected. For the first time,I embraced my anger part and I realized that it wanted to tell me so many things.

I started peeling its layers and then I found fear which was hidden deep inside me as I never wanted it to be revealed to the world.Secondly,I discovered rejection; from jobs, friends, relationships, work, etc. as nobody likes facing rejection. I peeled further layers and uncovered pain and hurt from others as well as by myself.Next,I observed diseases that was created unknowingly by me (psycho-somatic diseases) by suppressing anger. One last layer was peeled by me, and tears started rolling my eyes when I realized the amount of self-hatred I have within me.

Anger is just the tip of an iceberg,analyse what lies beneath it

This was the day when I uncovered a very important secret to emotions, i.e., every emotion we feel has something to tell us, a message which it wants to give, it is upon us whether we want to listen or ignore it.

We must understand that emotions, whether it is positive or negative are both part of our self. We cannot separate one part completely, although we do need to understand what message does it wants to convey. Listen to the message, when your anger, anxiety, sadness, fear etc. knocks on your door. Remember, these emotions are just the tip of an ice berg.Address those emotions and then let it go.

There are certain things which we can do in order to deal with our anger, such as:

  • Create a journal, write it down(applicable to most of the emotions including anger)
  • Take a face mirror, look into your eyes and speak to it, release all the resistance.
  • Talk to someone you trust or someone who listens to you unconditionally.
  • Write a letter to the person (to whom anger is directed), write everything down; tear it and either burn or flush it (try this out!)
  • If it still doesn’t work, be mindful and whenever a negative thought enters, consciously think of 3 positive things, try to flip the script each time with positivity.

Let us all remember that every emotion is a way of expression of our hidden feelings. Embrace your emotions instead of fighting it, give it love and acceptance, it will go away.

Life experiences, motivational, self care, self love, spirituality

Many masters,one religion

A perspective on Spirituality

Many masters such as Jesus,Buddha,Krishna,etc have walked on Earth with a sole motive of spreading love and peace.They may belong to different religions,but their motive was one.They may have taught us different religious method, but if we really think about it, their focus was to make us a better human being.Hence I would not consider them as Religious Gurus (masters), but as Spiritual masters, with emphasis on one religion,i.e, humanity.

I believe that the answer to all our problems resides in spirituality.

Spirituality is a way of thinking; aiming towards self awakening, which can be achieved through self realization.It can be simply understood as knowing about spirit (self).We know very little about ourselves and our potential.The most important thing to know about ourselves is that we are a part of universe (Creator).And once we realize this truth,we start walking on this beautiful path of spirituality.

To be spiritual is to do self introspection.

To be spiritual is to realize that you are universe itself.

To be spiritual is to realize your purpose of life.

To be spiritual is to bring peace and love in your life.

To be spiritual is to treat everyone with equality.

To be spiritual is to be born again (becoming human again).

The need of the hour is to raise our consciousness and to help each other in their spiritual journey by spreading love and peace in the world,and this could be only achieved through shift in our thinking.

Life experiences

Accepting life as it is

Life may not be as good as we always expect it to be as life is unpredictable.We always want our life to go in certain way as per our plannings.But,at times it doesn’t go as planned as we want it.Hence we face disappointment.This leads to hopelessness, sadness and confusions in our life.The main reason behind such disappointment is that we always want to control our life.And once we start loosing this control, which we all face in some phase or other in life,it starts effecting us.We assume that we can control our life completely,but this is a myth which we need to realise sooner or later.

We must understand that we should let go off the control of our life and trust the process of life; because the more we try to control, the more difficult our life becomes and we loose our mental peace.

When we accept life as it is,it becomes a little easier to cope with the challenges of our life because it’s not the difficulties in our life which brings disappointment,but it’s the way we approach our life.

Letting go off the control and accepting life as it is can make it really easier to live our life.Meanwhile,we can start developing faith in the universe and surrender our worries to to the universal power, making our life peaceful.

mental health, Mental health awareness, self care

COPING ANXIETY

Technically speaking, anxiety is a state of apprehension, fear or dread, even in situations that are not threatening. Sometimes person experience restlessness, excessive worry, difficulty in concentrating, nervousness, fear, racing or uncontrolled thoughts result in insomnia, palpitation and interference in our daily activities, and so on.

After coming face to face with anxiety, I could say that it’s not just mere symptoms which need attention; it’s the underlying thought patterns. The main concern with anxiety is those racing thoughts which does not stop, which makes the person unable to relax. The person is constantly under those hurricanes of thoughts which want to engulf the person with it.

It’s all about thoughts

It usually starts with one stressful or threatening situation which makes the person vulnerable (though anxiety traits might be present) and then it starts spreading to almost all the situation, sometimes to non-threatening situations as well. It becomes a part and parcel of life and we fail to identify it until it becomes so severe that it starts interfering with every situation of life.

Anxiety needs attention, just like any other physical disease. We all have the right to live a fearless, happy and relaxed life. While we are under the spell of anxiety, we fail to understand that we cannot control all the situations of our life or how our future is going to be. We need to let go of our “need to control” everything. Just because we had one negative experience in the past, it does not means that our future is doom or has no hope. Embrace those experiences of life with strength. We are more powerful than we think to handle our life. Let those worries of anxiety fade away like sands of the sea.

Try to stay in present. We are constantly worrying about our future, a future which nobody has seen. Sometimes it makes me think that it’s not even the future we are worried, it’s those thoughts which we create in our mind that keeps us under its control. It’s those thoughts that what can happen which keeps us constantly worried. Be mindful of your thoughts and whenever negative thoughts come, try to switch it to three positive thoughts. It may take times, but you will succeed eventually with repeated practice. Don’t lose hope.

“The way to preserve your emotional stability is to replace your unpleasant memories with pleasant ones. If you wish to keep your physical, mental, and emotional health, then learn to remove unhealthy memories in this way.”

Pt Shri Ram Sharma Acharya,AWGP

The most important thing in fighting with anxiety is to calm your mind as you cannot even imagine what those constant negative self-talk can do to your body. You must have heard about the mind-body connection; our thoughts, feelings and beliefs can positively or negatively affect our biological functioning. Therefore to calm your mind, change your lifestyle. Certain changes in lifestyle can be such as:

Yoga/Exercise: Make it a part of your daily routine. It not only keeps you healthy physically, but mentally as well.

Pranayama (Breathing Exercise): Even simply doing “Deep breathing” can bring profound relaxation to your mind and body. This can be a great help to relieve anxious thoughts.

Guided meditation and Visualization: It can help to calm your mind and can relax you instantly. There is many such videos available online, look for the one which suits you.

Music for relaxation: Music is very effective for relaxation and stress management. Music has been shown to improve sleep quality and duration. Try it for yourself

Indulge in your hobby: Hobbies are always those interests which are close to our heart. Ask yourself what you enjoy doing most and dive into your hobbies. It can be music, dancing, swimming, writing, reading, painting anything which makes you feel happy.

Walking: Brisk walking or simply walking will help you stay grounded and give you stability. Nature is always the best healer, so walking amid nature can heal you like magic.

We all have different ways of dealing with anxiety and stress, do what makes you feel good and seek help if you need. Begin your journey of healing with self-love and love for life. At times our life situations can be tough but our ability to deal with those situations can make you a fighter and make that journey smooth.

Come out as a warrior from your struggle!

You are powerful and strong to deal with any situation of life. Trust in your abilities.

mental health, Mental health awareness, understanding grief

Surviving Grief

When life gives us pain,it also gives us blessings

Sometimes in our life we feel a series of emotions,as if a whirlpool of emotions are going to drown us in it.We try to resist,but it catches with us sooner or later.This is my understanding of grief,which I have felt deeply inside me.

Nobody wants grief in their life,but when it comes,we cannot escape from it. It could be due to loss of loved one, any natural calamity, chronic physical disease, divorce, break up,etc.

“Grief are those waves of shock which comes suddenly, but stays for a long period of time, trying to drown us in its tides, until we finally embrace it and learn to move ahead with a lesson it teaches us”.

Grief is not just one emotion, it is a series of emotions and feelings including anger,depression,denial,resentment,guilt,sorrow,weeping or crying spells,insomnia,etc.It  makes one feel as if a hole has been created inside our heart and we find ourselves helpless in that situation.

My grief

Usually grief goes through a cycle of loss. According to the ‘Kubler-Ross model’,or the ‘Five stages of Grief ‘,a series of emotions are experienced, wherein the five stages are:

1. DENIAL: The person is unable to accept the loss and thus deny that the loss has even occurred.

2. ANGER: Feeling of anger towards that person for leaving us behind; towards  self for not able to stop it, and towards God.

3. DEPRESSION: Becomes hopeless; goes in self-mode. Tries to become aloof from others, remain in its shell and keeps crying.

4. BARGAINING : Person involve feels that something needs to be done to overcome it

5. RESOLUTION: Find solution to a situation, embraces the loss and decides to move forwards.

Many people remain stuck in either anger or depression phase throughout their life, trapped forever in the vicious cycle of grief.

Although it remains in our heart, throughout our life, but we need to find a purpose, a resolution to come out of its vicious cycle, or else one could never see the beauty of life again.

It’s time to analyse what else can be done in life; what lesson have we learnt. I believe that most of the pain and suffering teaches us a lesson and leads us to a new direction; we just need to find that direction, a purpose to continue with our life.

Look for your blessings in life

Bring back positivity in life

Learn something new

Get involved in your hobby or passion

Make self-help books as your best friend

Find support group, if you need.

Blessings of life

Find a purpose; find a meaning in your life. If life gives us pain, it also gives us blessings.

Life is beautiful.

Love is eternal.

And we are survivors.

Let’s come out of our struggles more stronger and brighter.

mental health, Mental health awareness, self care, self love

A note to my inner child (self)

Dear Inner Child,

As I came to know that there is a little child in each one of us; a five year old version of us; filled with love and acceptance; I took this opportunity to know about your well being.

While writing this letter,I am clearly able to visualize a five year old version of myself;dancing with joy,laughing her heart out,love in her eyes,happy without reason.I miss you.I miss those time when I could love unconditionally,I could laugh without reason,be happy within my own self.

Now I have grown up, as an adult.But am I happy?I smile less,I love half-hearten,I judge myself,I think more.I want to apologize to you for not taking care of you.While I was in a hurry to grow up,I forgot to take you with me and therefore I lost my five year old version,which was the best version of myself.

I seek forgiveness from you for leaving you behind by beginning a war with you and criticizing you just like our parents criticized us: “you are stupid”,”you are not good enough”,”you are wrong”,etc.This constant criticism became a habit and hence I lost you in the past.I forgot that by criticizing and belittling you,I am doing a permanent damage to my own self esteem.

I am sorry I haven’t talked to you over the years.I am sorry I scolded you for so long.I want to make up for all the time we spent apart from each other.

I want to connect with my “little version” once again.I want to be whole once again.I want to make our life better once again.I want to be happy once again.

My inner child is my happy child

Today,as I write this note,I want to tell you;my five year old version;my inner child that :

“I love you and accept you exactly as you are”.

“I am safe and secure”.

“I forgive myself  and release all the hurt and pain”.

“I love you,dear one.I am here for you.You are safe.”

Louise Hay’s affirmations

I am looking forward to connect with you. See you soon and welcome happiness and love once again in our life.

Yours forever

Adult Self