Anger, referred as a negative emotion, the more we try to resist, the more strength it gains. The strength of anger is often so strong that it controls us during a heat of the moment.
I tried fighting my anger again and again. The more I tried to fight it, the more intense it became. With each passing day, this fight to win over anger became difficult for me.
I was always told that anger is very bad, we should not get angry. Those who get angry are not good. So, whenever it knocked in the door of my mind, I shut the door more tightly. I started suppressing it, assuming that it will go away eventually. But it didn’t happen. I kept the anger bottled up inside me, consuming me from inside and out. Slowly, I felt like trapped in a spider’s web, unable to escape.
One fine day I realized, do I really need to suppress my anger? I have already tried that for years, but it didn’t help. So, one day when anger knocked on my mind’s door again, I opened the door. But this time I was loving and kind towards it and hence we connected. For the first time,I embraced my anger part and I realized that it wanted to tell me so many things.
I started peeling its layers and then I found fear which was hidden deep inside me as I never wanted it to be revealed to the world.Secondly,I discovered rejection; from jobs, friends, relationships, work, etc. as nobody likes facing rejection. I peeled further layers and uncovered pain and hurt from others as well as by myself.Next,I observed diseases that was created unknowingly by me (psycho-somatic diseases) by suppressing anger. One last layer was peeled by me, and tears started rolling my eyes when I realized the amount of self-hatred I have within me.
This was the day when I uncovered a very important secret to emotions, i.e., every emotion we feel has something to tell us, a message which it wants to give, it is upon us whether we want to listen or ignore it.
We must understand that emotions, whether it is positive or negative are both part of our self. We cannot separate one part completely, although we do need to understand what message does it wants to convey. Listen to the message, when your anger, anxiety, sadness, fear etc. knocks on your door. Remember, these emotions are just the tip of an ice berg.Address those emotions and then let it go.
There are certain things which we can do in order to deal with our anger, such as:
- Create a journal, write it down(applicable to most of the emotions including anger)
- Take a face mirror, look into your eyes and speak to it, release all the resistance.
- Talk to someone you trust or someone who listens to you unconditionally.
- Write a letter to the person (to whom anger is directed), write everything down; tear it and either burn or flush it (try this out!)
- If it still doesn’t work, be mindful and whenever a negative thought enters, consciously think of 3 positive things, try to flip the script each time with positivity.
Let us all remember that every emotion is a way of expression of our hidden feelings. Embrace your emotions instead of fighting it, give it love and acceptance, it will go away.